yes folks, i made the mistake of going to see New Moon and now i have been sucked through all 4 books. utter bullshit. the last book was so fucking horrible that i have decided to write a fanfic! hooray for something to do... but i have 2 existing writing projects, jewelry and now trying to come up with a way to stagger chapters... woo. that and my worsening depression means my days are spent locked in my room being/feeling very antisocial. and yes the depression involves a certain someone who i am almost absolutely certain will never read this, but all the same i refuse to reveal a name or gender. lets call this person X. as in X will be the substitute name... but in any case. X and i were friends... close in ways we shouldnt have been, but friends. and now i am being ignored for something i obviously did, but X is ignoring every attempt i make at communication. its making me angry that i dont even get a chance to know what i've done or to apologize... and given the quickly dwindling number of friends i have, i wish i had the chance to try and fix whatever it is that i did. and yes, all of my fhs friends have taken to not including me, ignoring me and coming up with reason after reason why we cannot hang out. yes i understand that the world does NOT revolve around me, but it would be nice if i was included in things planned when they COULD hang out. sadly, the one friend who stood by me through high school is no longer a part of my life. i need to accept that they will never have time for me and move on instead of continually calling and pretending that i will get a response. its pointless and it only hurts worse when i dont hear from them and then hear how a whole group of people i once considered friends are hanging out and going bowling/watching movies and not including me. i know why i'm not invited. i cant drive and no one wants to pick me up. i cant take the bus at night, or i would. i only have a bus pass for another 2 days anyway so it really doesnt matter anymore. but it leaves me at home to sit and wallow in my depression of not having these friends anymore.
i know my devart journal is being watched. and i really dont care anymore. if you two have nothing better to do with your lives than pick on someone who only made a FEW little mistakes, then so be it. but i warn you both, i'm not playing any longer. your games are childish and serve no purpose.
i miss you, X. i really do.